In case you never heard of me before, this is actually the third time I’m attempting to jumpstart a blog. Yup, THIRD FREAKIN’ TIME. Ridiculous, isn’t it?

I opened the first one when I became a celebrity under the name “Jaymee Joaquin” in the Philippines during my late 20s. I was one of those outspoken, opinionated girls back home who was never scared to express myself and write what’s on my mind. I had a quite a following back then and was very confident with my writing skills.

But for some insane reason, insecurity got the life of me and made me wonder if I was indeed, a good blogger. I thought, “Who would keep reading the blog of some starlet? This is not gonna get me anywhere.” After an intense psychological tug-of-war and upon the expiration of jaymeejoaquin.com, I impulsively deleted my posts thinking they wouldn’t be relevant in the cyberworld. And I eventually left show business in Manila altogether and pursued my solitary travels.

In my early 30s, I re-opened a blog but this time, as “Teacher Jaymee”, an English conversations mentor in Madrid. I’ve done quite a lot of traveling in Asia, Australia, America and Europe by that time so I had this nagging desire to share the amazing experiences I’ve had. I was also very inspired being surrounded by beauty, culture and arts in Spain so I figured this would be great! I did for awhile. Until the so-called quarter life crisis hit me.

I questioned myself, “Do you really wanna put your life, thoughts and story out in the open all the time? Do you wanna be a public figure forever? Can you handle criticism and oppositions that may come? Will you be able to sustain doing this as it takes up too much time? Can you keep up?” With all this pressure I’ve placed on myself, I decided to deactivate the blog along with my other social media accounts and lead a private, quiet life. I figured why sign up for all this unnecessary stress when I can just live journaling privately or sharing my thoughts out to close friends? And so I carried on with it. A life of no blogging and social media.

And then BAM! Breast cancer. The most challenging thing that life has ever thrown at me.

When you’ve been faced with something life-threatening such as a cancer diagnosis, it squeezes your raw self out of you regardless of what others would think and lets you identify the things that make you truly happy. Without a doubt, the first thing that came to mind is to pursue blogging again and this time, stick around and not let my demons win ever again.

So now, here I am. Recovering from chemotherapy and surgery, halfway through radiation treatment, with slightly decreased energy and memory and half-inch hair growing in my head. I’m writing this first blog entry as “Jaymee Wins”, the woman who’s so damn stubborn to admit that being a blogger has been her calling all along. So stubborn that breast cancer had to be the one to really yank it out of her.

Third time’s a charm, as they say. With that being said, let’s WIN this! And I better keep my word this time. (GULP!)

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