Photo Credit: Robert Dahey

I used to be that girl who wore my heart on my sleeve. I give everyone immediate access to my life, love, friendship and trust. I open up right away because I see the good in people even when the red flags are already waving at my face. Kinda’ like how we were in grade school where we see our school mates and join them for lunch because they’re just someone like you… a kid wanting to learn, play, connect and enjoy. But experience taught me the hard way that the real world ain’t the same.

Adults, over time, become jaded and selfish because of the harsh realities of growing up. So the intention changes into survival mode and constantly shielding oneself from potential predators, opportunists and energy vampires. You begin to realize that people are mostly just thinking about what benefits them and no matter how much you put your heart out, it won’t always make them reciprocate it with pure intentions. In fact, they think you have a hidden agenda because you’re way too nice and open or worse, take full advantage of your openness.

I’m glad I realized that not everyone deserves my time, love, trust and energy. Sure, I will always be warm, polite and accommodating like the Filipina that I am. But to put my heart out is something that now needs to be earned over time through the demonstration of good intentions and consistency in loving words and actions.

My “too open, too soon” character all stemmed out from my desperation to be loved, to belong and to not feel lonely especially when going through a health diagnosis while I approach midlife. But now, I’ve learned that true love comes from within me and not from external validation. And the right people will find their way and accept me without having to put out too much, too soon. And if I love me and my own company, I am technically truly never lonely right?

I’m glad I’m no longer that girl who easily gives herself away. I’m so grateful that I’ve learned how to discern people who come from a place of love and to distance from those who don’t. I’m so relieved that I’ve gotten to know myself well enough that I already know what friendships and networks to pursue and not constantly force the world to accept, understand and love me.

I’m thankful to the Creator that He made me see how at peace I am at being on my own and how I am contributing to the world in a unique way so I no longer have to compare my path to others. And I’m so grateful that I’m now see my value, how capable I am of loving tremendously and investing deeply in my relationships. Hence, I should protect and cherish it while I continuously hone my intuition in choosing who/what deserves what I can offer.

As much as I want to believe in a world where all people are good, loving and welcoming, the reality is that not everyone will be. If they do, it’s either you get lucky that they’re just genuinely kind-hearted or, like what was mentioned earlier, they do want something that’s why they put that sweet front to lure you in. So now I understand why proceeding with caution is necessary when it comes to choosing your relationships.

LESSON LEARNED: Invest on people and experiences that have been consistently reciprocative and healthy for my well being, constantly improve myself so that I can be of better contribution to humanity even in the simplest way such as being a mindful human and be joyfully productive even in solitude. I am so done handing my heart away like a free flyer. I am now committed to protecting myself from being taken for granted and be taken advantaged of. It’s time I raise the walls and only let it down when my heart, mind, body and intuition feel truly safe, cared for and appreciated.